Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Side Note, Real Talk..........Thoughts and Break Ups....

From time to time I post on things that have nothing to do with my hair. It's just how I feel at the moment so bare with me. My topic of discussion this post is relationships, marriage, divorce and real families. Now I know that everyone can relate to this in one way or another and hearing your personal thoughts can be helpful for me right now. The divorce rate is at 50% right now! Why is this? Mostly because some people do not show their complete true colors until after the marriage or even well into it after vows have been taken place. Promises made to your Dad, families and to each other at that point mean nothing. Then what, one or both of the individuals are left with the, what do I do now issue to deal with. Now we all know people who have no true coping skills to be honest and truthful. Something happens, a bad day at work, their tired, a headache and now you have to deal with their attitude and behavior. Then once their over it you should just forget everything said and done like it never happened. Craziness. A death in the family, divorce, a break up or job loss and they break apart completely. Now they have gone straight nuts, talking crazy. Acting like death is answer, these are the people who kill you, your kids and themselves. All because they are not getting their way and their pretending it's all your fault to their friends and family. Hitting holes in the walls, needing counseling, pills, or depend diapers under the age of 40. lol There is piles of cat or dog boo boo in every corner, clean and dirty clothes everywhere, nothing put up. Dirty floors and a bathroom you would not use at the park with a black tub. The house smells to high hell and bugs and bug eggs are everywhere. They just no longer clean their own house and have the nerve to invite guests over. They wait until the grass is having grass babies until they cut it or clean or spray all the overgrown weeds and let their own properties go straight to the pot. Only wipe their ass once every two days, turn into a hoarder, over buying needless crap. That covers every surfaces. When this happens they put their own children in a dangerous situation to even be around them in that environment and pretend like everything is o.k. However somehow the kids being around normal functioning people is an issue, Y? Y not admit that is not healthy and think of your children instead of thinking of their self?

Then they blame the other person for being this way, really?

I'm just not this type of person at all and I refuse to be due to another persons craziness. I do get emotional and sad and go through the whole process internally. I don't have to loose my mind in order to feel. If their madness sends me to jail, I will not be in a paper suit, peeing on my cell door. Getting beat up or going crazy. I will be alright, get me a book and survive until I get out cause I would not have deserved to be there. lol When people with children start disrespecting you in front of their own children. Bringing their bodies to an verbal battle or talking to you as if your a stranger and saying things that can't and that will never be completely forgiven. They don't truly care about anyone but themselves. They will never be able to admit it, no resolve will be meet and theres no change for a future together.

Now the divorce rate for a second marriage is much lower. If you choose to go back there again which most married people do. Most likely because you avoid the things up put up with during the first one? Who knows?

I just don't get why to some people that everything has to be so hard. I see some of these wedding shows where they are paying out 10,+ bucks for the wedding. Then in 6 months when stuff goes wrong or Mr. Right verbally abuses you, disrespects you as a person or hauls off and hits you. Ms. Right stops cooking, your eating a real meal maybe only once a week, quits her job and thinks that "she's married now", so she no longer has to do anything but have a child. You are left with bills to pay for years for a wedding that you no longer want to be in. A person your starting the truly dislike. We all come up with several reasons to stay, bills, but I think I love him or her, I don't want to start all over again with someone new or the sex is o.k. sometimes. The hassle of getting a divorce. Being a divorced person or for the kids, for the kids, for the kids. lol If things are not right after the first child why keep having kids with the same person. You know they will do the same stuff as the first time cause they thought that they did nothing wrong and refuse to admit they did for you to move past it then. Now two or three kids later you have even more responsibilities with them?
A lifetime of drama and internal depression. Y?

I don't get it and we all know many people born into a two parents homes of complete craziness. Yelling, name calling and fighting and secrets. Either that or a home of smiles and silents and no real discussion and minor hugs to go around. Those kids don't want kids in their lives as grown ups because they had to go to their friends homes growing up to be apart of a talking family. Both are families however they are dysfunctional families and still not ideal for children to be raised in. So why stay and put up with things that are never going to change and will most likely get worse with time for the rest of our natural born lives? I say don't do it, it's not worth it to waste your whole life in a bad situation! If you don't have family friends together or have a personal relationships with your in-laws after years where you can call and go with them alone that doesn't always involved your mate. Go to family gatherings and outing and not feel uncomfortable. A lifetime marriage will never work out.

We all as people know when a relationship or marriage isn't right. If you are not able to talk openly about everyday things and about real things. If you CAN'T talk to a person then there is no hope for the future. If a person becomes anger, gets instantly defensive, yelling, cuss you out, disrespecting you or jumping into your face are these things of normal behavior? Phyiscal abuse, mental abuse. I hope and know not! Or if the drama goes another directions, silence. Silence is so childish for anyone over the age of 20. When someone is silent you don't know what their thinking. If they have an uncontrollable temper then your just waiting for the bomb to hit and staying away from that person. Wondering if they plan to kill you all in your sleep. Or they are refusing to be able to have a real conversation that may not go their way. Blowing up your phone, going tho your phone records, putting listening devices in the home, following you and buying camcorders. Lying to their family and disrespecting yours. All for what? Why not just deal with the situation at hand. Break up, get divorced and move on with your life while we all still have one. Don't do things to try and take the kids cause they will hate you as an adult for being so selfish and thinking of only you later when it counts. Be better as a person, happy with someone new or be happy alone with some peace and maintain your new life. If you are unable to talk then why worry about the person talking to other people without the fighting. Face reality, it's over and done. Move on and act like an adult!

Don't have grown convos with a child, try to make them dislike the other. Be a liar with the your parents cause you will still have to be in contact with your ex's family for a lifetime. Your kids games, school functions, fiances, graduation and marriage and their children in the future. Let the person go, cut the bullshit, do what is best for your kids or self and try to be happy in this lifetime. There is a hard way to do things and a easy way where no one gets hurt and life continues while we all still have one.

If you care then show it by being a friend cause the union has ended. If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's your for sure. If you default and loose it again it was never your to keep.

Be happy, move on and become a better person.
Words to live by.

Thoughts or input or experiences to add anyone?